Master stroke by The Government

For once, I am delighted with a scheme that the Government is putting into practice - although not fully, but I will come to this later.

Much fuss has been made about the Low Emissions Zone, which is due to come into force on Monday in central London. Now I am not an eco-warrior, but this is possibly the best idea in the history of ever, AND could help you live longer. Not due to breathing clean and fresh air, but from stopping you from feeding yourself into a wood-chipper in frustration at being held up in traffic by the main group of vehicles this policy will outlaw - lorries and suchlike.

I do however, think this scheme needs to be rolled out nationwide and should be enforced on the following vehicles:

• Lorries
• White vans of any description
• Chelsea tractors
• Those obscenely oversized pickup trucks generally driven by men with a”Napolean” complex

The penalty for flouting the law will be 400 years in jail sharing a cell with a 20 stone man who likes to be called Annabelle.

Just think of the stress it would relieve and I believe it would cut down road rage massively. As well as this it would help save the planet too.

As a footnote on saving the planet, I believe hybrid cars that only output water as “waste” are a dreadful idea as it would pump umpteen zillion gallons more water into the water cycle - hence - it would rain solidly for the rest of time. But that’s another can of worms altogether.