Well, not quite in Stanley Park - yet. What on earth is going on at Liverpool football club? I assume the media has a great deal to do with it but the place really is looking like a right circus at the moment, with Giletto and Hicksy the clowns at the forefront. Publically having a pop at each other through the media, draggin Parry into it, having a right old gripe and generally making themselves and their club look like right fools. All while Benitez is trying to guide the team to a champions league final. Folk say it doesn’t affect the players, but it obviously has - either that or certain players of theirs have been at the strong cheese judging by what Senor Torres came out with the other day.

Mr Torres had possibly instigated the biggest example of affairs relating to pots and kettles that I can ever remember hearing about. He has come out and announced to the world that he thinks Manchester United are a one man team. Basically, I think he believes that Manchester United wouldn’t be where they are now without Christiano Ronaldo. I suppose he can be forgiven as he’d been playing his football in Spain before this season, but surely someone somewhere has poorly advised him. Has he not heard of Steven Gerrard? Gerrard has pretty much single handedly carried Liverpools’ can for the last god knows how many years and won them a Champions League and a few other trophies - FA Cup etc etc. Would Manchester United be on the verge of winning yet another Premier League title without Christiano Ronaldo? I would think so yes. He is their best player, but they have the strength in depth to replace another world class, full international player with another one. Would Liverpool have won the Champions League or done as well as they have done without Steven Gerrard? I doubt it very much. He is their driving force and inspiration. If/when he does move on, they can probably find a player as good as him to replace him, but they will never find anyone who has anywhere near as much influence on their club, team and fans.

Jonse yakked his guts up in my car on the way back from Birmingham on Saturday night/Sunday morning. My car now stinks of sick. Rank

It’s certainly looking like it’s going to be, that’s for sure. What a totally unpredictable season it has been and definately one of the most exciting for as long as I can remember.  It’s an old cliche but anyone has beaten anyone this year and probably will do over the remained of the season. The all important question that everyone is asking though - and looks a long way from being answered though - is who will be going up automatically and who will be making the playoffs? I’d like to offer my little deconstruction of the situation - well, try to as best as I can at least.

Obviously - being a Wolves fan - I am going to mainly focus on the old gold and black. Now, we start with a pretty tricky trip to Ashton Gate on Saturday, but i’d like to think we’ll be leaving there with the points. It is a tricky place to go as Albion amongst others have found out, but Brizzle have been having a bit of a wobble recently, and with us bang in goal scoring form, I think we will have too much for them (providing we don’t self destruct as we quite often can and gift the opposition a lifeline back into games that should have been killed off)

I don’t even want to attempt to predict the outcome of the Albion game, the way both teams have been scoring (and in particular - defending) recently, I can see the game being about 7 all. I’d be “happy” with a draw.

The final 4 games fall like this - home ties against Ipswich, Cardiff and Plymouth plus a trip down the M6 to Coventry. This is realistically what we have to play with if you take into account our games in hand.

There has been much talk about us getting into the automatic promotion places, so I decided to do a bit of number crunching just to show how tight it is and how, to be honest, it’s a bit far fetched all this automatic promotion talk.

Say we do win all our remaining games, the highest points tally we can get is 79. Which would put us top of the league right now. For teams to catch us this is what they would need to happen:

• Bristol City would need to win their remaining 3 games
• Stoke would need 10 points from 4 games
• Hull and Watford would need 11 points from 5 games
• Albion would need 12 points from 5 games

I really can not see us winning all of our remaining games, so I am being very generous by saying I’ll only take off 4 points for 2 draws in the last 6 games. That would leave us with with 75 points. See how that changes what is required from other teams to push us out of the top 2.

• Bristol City would need 5 points from 3 games
• Stoke would need 6 points from 4 games
• Hull and Watford would need 7 points from 5 games
• Albion would need 8 points from 5 games

See how little room for error there is? For me, playoffs is fine, anything more then even better. Just amazes me how quickly a couple of good results gets to some Wolves fans. Not long ago, McCarthy’s head was being called for. 2 wins later and we’re going up automatically aparantly. One step at a time chaps, starting with Brizzle on Saturday. Once that is over then look to the next game.

In other goings on this week, I vagueley remember hearing somewhere the some pundit chumps who think Manchester United, Chelsea, Arsenal and Liverpool are the be all and end all, had been making a lot of noise that the FA Cup this year had been undervalued because none of “The Big Four” made it to the semi-finals. What absolute twaddle. Now personally I can’t stand West Browmich Albion or Cardiff City but credit where credit is due and all that. You don’t fluke your way to a final. Nobody has a divine right to play in the FA Cup final because they are in “The Big Four” or whatever. Liverpool couldn’t beat Barnsley so they didn’t deserve to play in the next round. Likewise with all the other teams that got beat at whatever stage of the cup.

I’m not going to get all soppy and start gushing about the “romance of the FA Cup” and “this is what the FA Cup is all about” because it’s not. The FA Cup is a cup competition in which teams compete for the right to play in the Final. Portsmouth and Cardiff have beaten everyone put in front of them and that is exactly what is required to get to a cup final.

If people are going to moan about “The Big Four” not being involved in the latter stages of competitions then why not exlude them from everything and let them play out their boring, cagey one all draws in front of everyone who is so ignorant they can’t see past their own team.

Credit to Cardiff, credit to Portsmouth and credit to every single player and supporter of every single club who stuck one up the fat cats this year in the FA Cup. Long may it continue!

Hello sailors! 3 day week for me this week. My brother from another mother is getting married soon so it’s his stag do this weekend. Off to Manchester for the weekend for some serious drinking and Portsmouth supporting. Don’t want that lot from down Sandwell in the FA Cup final now do we? We’re staying in a plush hotel right by Deansgate Locks so provides ideal access to various swanky watering holes and other amenities such as off licenses and betting offices. No doubt we will probably end up in a “gentlemans club” at some point too, which personally, I don’t see the fascintaion with. Why people want to  watch some girl gyrate about the place then run off with your money is beyond me.

I’m sat here thinking of something to gripe about, but you know what? I can’t think of anything. This is a first. I think it’s because I knew I had a short week this week so nothing has really got on my nerves. I’m sure this positive feeling won’t last long though.

Also on a positive note - the clocks have gone forward. I really love this time of year. The buildup to summer and the nights staying light for longer. Beer garden weather is nearly hear ladies and gents! 

It seems that certain ones do. Elephant.co.uk to be precise

It would seem they have forgotten to post my cover note as it still didn’t arrive today.

They also seem to think that it costs £7 to send a letter by Royal Mail Special Delivery. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Ich don’t think so

Unbelieveable. After months and months of trying - and heafty advertising fees - my car is finally sold. I ended up having to take a fair bit less than I wanted but at least it is gone now and not going to cause me any more stress or cost me any more money. To say I am happy is an understatement.

The same day, I replaced it with an absoultely fantastic BMW 323i coupe which is in pristine condition. It was slightly more expensive than most cars its age but it is by far the cleanest example I have seen in a long time. This picture doesn’t do it justice plus I had just driven it 90 miles back in terrible weather so it got dirty

Unfortunately, due to unfathomably idiotic policies at the DVLA, it is still sat on my drive and I have had to get the stinking train, tram and shanks’s pony to get to work the last 3 days.

I have transferred the insurance to my name and I have sent the log book off, all I need to do now is to tax it - easier said than done so it seems. Woe betide anyone who dares pay their road tax slightly late - you will be publically flogged, fined 7 squillion pounds, then left to rot in jail for the rest of your days. I am actually TRYING to tax my car and I have been told point blank that I can’t. This is because:

• To tax it at the post office I need an insurance cover note - which hasn’t arrived yet. And for some hair brained reason they won’t accept a faxed copy from the insurer
• To tax it over the phone the DVLA need to have processed my log book - which I am told can take up to 3 weeks.

I telephoned the DVLA and explained the situation, and I was told that I could proceed no further as they have not processed my log book and there was absolutely no way round it. When I enquired as to why this was the case, I was told that it is because without doing this they won’t have an address to send the tax disk out to! Seriously, you could not make it up. I am on the phone, talking to the tax person and they say I cannot tax my car as they don’t have an address to send the tax disk out to. When I offered to provide one over the phone, I was spoken to as though I had suggested that the operator was an illegitimate child.

Proof, if ever it was needed, that unless there is a tick box for it on a form, Government departments are unable to do anything about anything at all

I’m just about fed up with trying to contact any form of large company. Banks are the worst offenders in this case - most noteably, Lloyds TSB.

To start with, you get the automated system that makes you talk at it and type in 4.2 billion sets of numbers, account details, shoe size etc etc etc. Once you have done that, 9.999 trillion times out of 10 trillion, it will not recognise the information you entered and boot you out of the system and into some other automated service which will present you with 496 options and sub-options whereby each one links you back into the automated system you have just been ejected from.

If you are lucky (or unlucky, in this case) enough to get through to speak to a real person, then you will have found that your call has been beamed half way round the world to some call centre where they have only just learnt how to speak English and speak in that now increasingly familiar monotone that sounds like the ruddy automated service you just came from - and they are always overly pleasant. Don’t get me wrong, I like pleasant people but over-pleasantness is too much.

My latest experience beggars belief……….

My partner lost her job earlier this year so we ran into difficulty paying the credit card bill. The account got passed to collections and it turns out that collections is actually another name for the Delhi Harrasment Squad. I appreciate I have to pay bills on time, but I contacted the bank, explained the situation and said that the full bill can be settled in a matter of weeks once my partner starts her new job and gets paid. Happy days. I then start getting what only can be described as harrassed, by some overly polite monotonous chap who’s only English words in his vocabulary were “token” and “payement”. Pretty much every day this chump would call my land line (as I barred the number on my mobile) at exactly the same time in the evening and insist I make a “token payment”. After explaining the situation to him 376 times and being completely ignored I started to get quite cross.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, when time came to settle the debt (the same date as I agreed with the bank initially may I add), I rang up and offered my debit card details so the payment could be processed. Low and behold, monotonous “token payment” man proceeded to tell me that he could not accept my card as form of payment for one completely idiotic reason or another. He spends weeks blatantly harrassing me, then as soon as I phone up to pay my debt of my own accord he says I can’t pay it! It really does beggar belief.

Afternoon campers, let me point something out before I continue. I know sod all about politics. This is my viewpoint of what is going on at the moment and is based on absolutley no facts whatsoever, mainly because I can’t be bothered to go find any - therefore, i think this is very accurate account of the matter in hand how Joe Public sees it.

So then, Alistair Darling has shown everyone his little red briefcase for the first time and then explained away how the government are going to bleed us dry for the foreseeable future - no change from any previous budget then.

Much noise was made about the alcohol issue - and quite rightly so. Tax on alcohol has been put up by more than the rate of inflation. Many will argue this is to hit out at “binge drinking” and “yob culture” and what not - and I agree, although not fully. If it is, it’s disgraceful. I can go out of a weekend and I am perfectly capable to get “a little bit worse for wear” and I am still able to behave myself and not mug/rape/murder anybody, so why should I have to suffer because of some ferrel spawn that are incapable of behaving in a civilised manner at all - let alone after a sniff of the barmaids apron. Even then, I’m still paying for it as I suspect that those cans of cider or whatever they are drinking were paid with out of money they got for signing on as they are unable to work due to a “bad back”.

I also see this fuel tax has been delayed. That is as transparent as I don’t know what. By the time it rolls round to putting this 2p on a litre of petrol, everyone will have forgotten about it so 4p will get slapped on. Remember just after the major petrol blockades a few years back? Petrol went down to about 65p a litre. Granted, it was a nuisance during the protests, queueing for an hour to put a tenner in your tank but still, we reaped the benefits afterwards. I think something serious needs to be done in regards to petrol prices. It is just ridiculous now.

The thing that really really made me guffaw about this budget though was making supermarkets charge for plastic carrier bags. That is possibly the most idiotic idea in the history of bad ideas (apart from the 39th game abroad, obviously). All these do gooder eco-mentalists out there have worked themselves up into a tizz and are convinced that unless we all take to the streets and set our cars on fire, demolish all our houses and start living in trees, the world is going to explode at some point in the next 12 minutes. What absolute twaddle. Yes, the world is going to die a slow and horrible death, but not for the next umpteen million years! We’ll have wiped ourselves out in a global war way before then so stop stressing and thinking up stupid ideas that aren’t going to save the planet!

Anyway, to sum it up in a short and sharp fashion, taxes are going up and up and up and up. Wages are staying where they are. No wonder people are always are - to coin a phrase - “in the shit” financially. I would like to buy my first house soon. I’ve worked out that if I save £200 a month, then by the time I am 756 years of age, i’ll just be able to afford the deposit to buy a 8 person tent (check out the political correctness there. We all know it’s an 8 man tent really). I will then have to work 9000 hours a week to afford the mortgage repayments. But as long as Mr Brown and co have their nice hefty Christmas bonus and expenses bill that stretches from here to the moon and back 27 times, I’ll feel a warm sense of gratification that all my hard work is not going to waste *sigh*

Yes, that’s right - Bad Manners. After a couple of weeks off from spouting random tripe on here I thought I would return with something that really boils my piss - bad manners.

Manners don’t cost anything, but some people still manage to fail to use them at almost every oportunity. Are people just lazy? Or are they just generally rude and ignorant people?

Deliberate ignorance is the worst form of bad manners if you ask me. Ignorant people I wouldn’t urinate on if I saw them on fire. These kind of people are the ones who only are on the look out for number one. I believe in day to day situations, they are not interested in something unless they can benefit from it. Rudeness I can sometimes tolerate as in some cases it can be put down to frustration, but ignorance is inexcusable in my opinion.

Anyway, just before I finish - the car still hasn’t sold, but fingers crossed it will this weekend. I hope

Still havn’t sold my car. Beginning to think I’m going to be stuck with it for ever!

In other news, I was miffed that History FC managed to beat Inter Milan last night. Mind you, 12 players on 10 and it’s bound to happen.

That is all…………